Thursday, October 14, 2010

Our God Reigns; You can't consolidate what is true!!


Finally, getting around to letting everyone know what’s going on over here in Aussie land… :) Sorry it’s been so long, trust me, I would have had a post up long ago if I’d been able to!!

I miss you all so much!!! You have NO idea!! Especially, making the final decision that I’m not going to be able to come home this Christmas!! SAD DAY!! But it will be good, and God has it all worked out I’m sure of it!

So… where to even start!! I’m not even sure!! What was the last thing I posted?? Prob. should look at that and see how much I need to cover. Truth is, it’s almost impossible to cover everything if it’s not a day-to-day update, which I def. don’t have the time for.

So… God’s been up to more than I’m even aware of! I’ve had my ups and downs, and moments where I’m ready to hop on a plane and head home, but I’m here! For as long as it is God has me here, I will remain here!!

I don’t even know where to begin??? I seriously have never been at a place in my life where it was such a rollercoaster daily!! Literally, it’s a daily choice and struggle to determine my attitude for the day! If I’m happy with God and believe he’s holding me in the palm of his hand, or if I’m upset and don’t believe and trust that He knows what it is He’s doing, He’s just enjoying watching me deal with all of this. It’s a lot easier to pick the latter choice, and just absolutely pick my day apart and explain why I think that. Some days, the only thing good I have going for me, is that I’m a daughter of the King almighty!! He’s been teaching me a TON About that too!! That without him, I’m nothing!! That… He is God!! And that doesn’t change according to my circumstances so who the HECK am I to question and doubt the plans he has, which have always been good!

Honestly, dealing with school stuff and church stuff and job stuff, I’ve just been at a complete loss for why it is exactly I am here! Who would have thought?? The girl who had her heart set for YEARS on going to Australia to study at Hillsong, would rather be home more times than not while being there… CRAZY!! But sometimes… that’s just how it is!! In the midst of God doing a big work and big shaping, we’d rather be anywhere but the uncomfortable and aggravating place of change, even if it’s what we thought we wanted for so long! It’s not the place he’s called us to, but the change inside of us. It’s never about us, always about him, and that’s hard sometimes to swallow!! That, in all actuality, me coming to Australia and Hillsong was never about me and what I wanted, but about God and what he planned and still has planned to do inside of me!! To get rid of the nasty dishonoring things, and make himself more evident and visible through my life!

WOO!!! Ok… Not what I expected! It’s not easy, but it’d be harder to give up the joy and peace He is just to keep me comfortable in myself! Christianity isn’t about comfort at all, and if I’m a Christian, I would never be right in thinking I’m right where he’s called me to be if I’m comfortable at that spot! Don’t get me wrong, there’s comfort in the truth that He is God, and He is in control, but the moment I begin to think it’s about me and where I am and am comfortable with that, I’ve lost sight of what my purpose is!!

So… that’s where I am!! Fighting daily to believe that in all this discomfort and uncertainty, that God is still God!! He holds me! He has plans for me! He’s called me! He’s started a GOOD work within me and will see that it is finished!

In my struggle to find a job, He is provider! In my constantly draining, almost empty bank account, He pours out favor on His children! In my confusion, He is purpose! In my disbelief, He is faithful!

Have you ever had those periods where you’re just so frustrated and upset with God where you can talk to him all day, giving him a piece of your mind, but you won’t let him talk to you and you avoid picking up your bible because you’re so upset with Him?? That was me this past week!! I spent 4 days of my break, looking for a job and finding not one thing!! I had an interview at a place last week but they ended up filling the position before I could come in and trial with both managers, so that went down the drain! I’d already spent 2 days hunting for jobs when I got the call that they’d hired someone else, and spent two days afterwards. What do I have to show for the 30 resumes I passed out and the few I filled out online? ZERO! I was so upset with God because I pay rent this week, and that’s it! I have enough for one more trip to the grocery store and that’s all! So, last night after spending all day handing out resumes all over town, I felt like I just needed to genuinely lay it down at His feet, and let him talk to me, what else do I have to loose?

So I journaled to Him and laid it down, my frustration and confusion and anxiousness and worry! I opened my bible, and just flipped! I just had a peace that he was going to talk to me! Well… talk to me He did!! With the SAME scripture… LITERALLY the same exact scripture, in two separate books and spheres of the bible. I read first in Isaiah, closed my bible, didn’t feel like I was done, opened it back up… was flipping through… stopped in Luke… just happened to be the section where Jesus was at the temple in Nazareth and had been handed a scroll to read from… what was it?? The scroll of Isaiah with the SAME verse I’d just read!! Out of all the verses and chapters in Isaiah, Jesus quotes Isaiah 61 in Luke 4! BLEW MY MIND!!! Do I know what it means? Not just yet, but I do know God’s purposed my life for his kingdom, and will provide all that I need in the right time!

I haven’t gone a day without a meal, and I haven’t gone a night without a roof over my head! I have to say I’m doing pretty good! I’m at a completely new place in my life, and it terrifies the snot out of me, but in my fear, God is God! He reigns sovereign and lovingly! Looking out for His sons and daughters! I’m apart of His family, and He won’t ever let His children be without! I’m not exactly sure if it’s going to be a job he provides, but I know he’ll provide enough to cover my needs! In whatever way he see’s most fit! The scripture actually makes me think it’s not going to be from the number of resume’s I handed out over the past 4 days, but the scripture assures me that he will. His way’s are not my ways, and His thoughts are higher than my thoughts, he tells me elsewhere through His scripture. I’m clinging to truth right now!

What you could pray for: a job and money! Friends! A more economical place to live at the end of November! What God’s teaching me! Peace and assurance! A trusting and believing heart! Open doors! Clarity and guidance!

I know God’s brought me here, he’s assured me numerous times that He’s appointed me to lead, and the dreams in my heart are dreams He placed! He’s provided this far, He’ll provide that much further and more!

Thanks for your prayers and for being interested!! I’m SO sorry I haven’t been better about keeping you all up to date!! I’ve been failing at placing value on all of you back home and I promise to try my best to do better! You all mean so much to me, and I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for each of you uniquely and instrumentally used in bringing me here weather you’re aware of it or not! I pray constantly for you all as a whole and individuals when God brings you up specifically! God is good, and He is love! He’s holding you just as much as He’s holding me! Don’t hold things back from the one who holds it all!

Just to prove God knows and he see’s his Children and their needs… As I was signing onto the internet to post this, I got this text from a precious girl named Melody who is in all of my classes:

“Hey beautiful :) soo good to see you today! The Lord just brought you to mind and wants you to know that he will meet all your needs :) he is faithful to answer! Sleep good and know you are loved!”

That’s MY God… He holds me!! He sees me!! He created me!! He loves me!! He KNOWS me!! He’s going to provide for me!! Wow… ok!! Yep… someone else needs to know that too!! In my midst, in our midst… He is! And always will be!

Thank you so much Jesus!!!

Love, Michelle :)

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